Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Tales from eHarmony: The walk me to my car guy

This past week I agreed to go against my instincts and partake on a first date with a gentleman from the online world.
Yeah, I had my concerns, like I always have before a first date.  But eHarmony seemed to think we would be a good match and I’m trying to be more outgoing and meet guys in a more “sober” setting. 

Originally he suggested Friday after work at a place in Arlington.  I didn’t see this message until Friday morning and as a rule of thumb I like giving myself 24 hours before a first date.  And on this particular Friday and on most Fridays I had not showered and was wearing clothes that might have been a little too scurvy for work, let alone a date.   

I asked if we could meet up on Saturday and perhaps a place more central then Arlington, since I live in the NE of DC.
He came back with “how about 7:30 at Rock-N-Roll hotel by where you live.”
Immediately I judged that he wanted to go to Rock-N-Roll for a first date… it isn’t the worst place for a first date, but it isn’t a place I go sober… I agree because I definitely didn’t want to venture over to VA on my Saturday off or go to a bar in my neighborhood that I actually liked.

In typical fashion, I arrived early and if this date happened to take place 2 years ago I would have waited for him outside.
I decided to head inside.
Inside was a bar with empty bar stools and I knew I could get a beer before having that awkward “hey, K?!?!? is that you?" conversation.

I sent him a quick text to let him know where I was at. “Hey *insert Boys name*. This is K, I got here a little early and headed upstairs.  But no worries, take your time.”
No response back.
Ten minutes later he arrives.

First Reactions: He looks like his photos, but I was still expecting a taller “bigger” guy. 
But then again, I’ve dated “short” and “skinny” guys before and most of the time a great personality will over shadow the height issue.  

We begin the typical first date conversation. 
He is a “musician” and as a girl who lives with two “musicians” I thought I had a lot to add to this conversation.
And unlike my roommates he didn’t talk up his job at all.  There wasn’t even a single “I love my job” side comment made (I even think I said I loved my job, which is a half a lie).
Instead there was a lot of bringing up the negative parts of his job: “Trumpet players are mean, they are insecure, and they aren’t great people to be around.” 
Followed by a “but ummm, I’m not like that.”

Here I quickly notice that he says “but ummm” before every sentence.
I notice I start saying it and then I remember that HIMYM episode where Robin is told she says “But ummmm" A LOT.
I stop.
He doesn’t.

We talk about camping.  He doesn’t like camping.
We talk about bluegrass. He hates Bluegrass. 
We talk about working on the weekends.  And he tells me I don’t get it.
I mention that I use to work every weekend and that I get it.
He still claims that I don’t get it bc he works with kids.
I tell him I worked in a museum and did educational hands-on programing for kids.
But apparently I still don’t get it.

The only thing we have in common is that his parents are from Iowa.
This was probably the reason I agreeded to go on a date with him.
He turned out to be the opposite of what you would expect from a "midwest guy."
(but then again, he grew up in Falls Church... which is the complete opposite of Iowa.)

To me it is clear we have nothing in common.
But I'm nice and continue talking to him.
Even after I notice that he is two drinks in and is already slurring his words.
I try to pretend I don't notice and start talking about my friends. 
I mention that this bar down the street has “Grapefruit” beer and how my friends and I have an ongoing joke about it.
He states “I love Grapefruit beer, we should go! Let’s go there next!”

Crap, why did I mention that.
We close out our tabs. 
Crap, I paid for my own b/c Rock-N-Roll hotel made me give them a Credit Card when I arrived.  But I’m okay with that.  I would rather pay for my own drinks when I have no interest in seeing a guy again.
He pays in cash.  Which I always think is weird.

We head to The Queen Vic.  Where he orders two Grapefruit beers.
I quickly change my order to a normal beer. 
He pays for them.  (At least I got one free drink out of this).

Three beers in and I’m pretty sure he is drunk. 
Three beers in and I’m thinking of my escape route and which bar I want to solo drink at when this is over.   ""Hmmm… the pug would be good, but I might run into someone I made out with once and my ego can't take that right now.  Argo is too far away. It looks like Star and Shamrock for the win!""

yes, yes you are. 

Back to the date:
While I’m letting my mind wonder and clearly being a bad date I notice that every guy in this bar is tall.  It is almost like every guy tall guy in DC knew I was going on a bad date with a short guy and decided to head to the Queen Vic.

He goes to the bathroom… 4 times in the 30 minutes.  (and I thought my bladder was small)
I go to the bathroom because I’m bored and I want to text my friend and tell her about all the tall guys that happened to show up.
I come back.
He mentions his height. 
Crap, I have to tell him he isn't that short. I hate lying 
He answers his phone (and incase you missed it we were on a date... rude!)
A guy I use to date comes in with his new girlfriend.  A guy who recently deleted me from Facebook and a guy who has mastered the art of avoiding eye contact with me. 
I’m over this. 
I’m so over this.
He gets off the phone and I tell him I’m ready to leave.

We walk outside and when we get to the corner of 11th and Hst, he states “Can you walk me to my car?”
In my head I’m screaming “hell to the No!” but “Yeah, sure” comes out. 

I walk him to his car, give him a hug goodbye, he states that we should do this again, and I agree.
He walks to his car door and says “I’ll send you an email.”
I respond “you have my phone number, you can just call me.”
He says “nah, I like email.”

He unlocks his door.  I give him a look like “aren’t you going to offer to drive me the 6 blocks home
But state “Ummm, I guess I’m going to walk this way.”

Yes, you read that correct: He made me walk him to his car but didn't offer me a ride home.  

he drove away and I walked away to another bar thinking "a second date is never ever going to happend"  and "I hope tonight isn't the night that someone decided to attack me."


At 1:20 am after a handful of beers in I see that he had sent me an email asking me out again.  An email I found hilarious enough that I showed the strangers next to me and the bartender.

this date was awkward but not as awkward as these guys:

back in Dec 2010 I almost didn't go on a date with this guy b/c he didn't offer to walk me home. 


  1. How is paying cash weird, just out of curiosity? I've only ever used my credit card 2 or 3 times in a restaurant and those were times where I simply didn't have the cash.

  2. That is so weird that he wanted you to walk him to his car, but didn't offer you a ride home! Sounds like a pretty disastrous date... that sucks :/

  3. What a douche! Will you do another eHarmony date?

  4. Oh my god, that is awkward. I would have bailed much sooner than you did, kudos to you for sticking it out. The whole "Nah, I like email" is just... weird.

  5. ha! this guy sounds like a total tool. walk him to his car? um, how girly is that? and email? come on dude!

    at least you can take comfort that you're next eharmony date couldn't go That badly. :)

  6. Oh, this sucks. Thank you for reminding me of why I am so glad that I'm not online dating anymore. But, I applaud you for putting yourself out there and enduring it all with grace.

  7. Loved this. Dating disasters at least make for great writing material!

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