Monday, February 4, 2013

Mr. Bearded Man and being a Hot Mess

I’m in complete like with a boy who is either really too busy to hang out with me, just wants to have sex, or is just completely ignoring me.

Let see how to sum this up for my readers:
Girl meets boy.
Boy has beard.
Girl falls in like with his beard.
Girl goes home with boys and passes out on a couch.
The next morning girl is too embarrassed to ask for boy’s number.

No let’s flash forwarded a couple of weeks later. 
Where this girl runs into this boy again after a night of sangrias. 
Girl gives boys her number.
Boy kisses girl.
Girl leaves bar giddy like a schoolgirl.

Flash forward to the next week.
Girl and boy hang out on Wednesday
Girl sleeps with boy.
Boy hangs out with girl on Thursday.
Girl lets boy go home with her on Thursday
Boy stops talking to her on Friday.

before you judge... what was a girl suppose to do? remember I said he had a BEARD!

Then I have to deal with this boy doing the “I’m going to ignore this girl until she gets the picture” thing.
I’ve done this to a handful of guys and I know how it works… I was once even told by my college roommate that this was the perfect way to get rid of a boy.
Worst advice ever!

But! out of nowhere this boy shows up to a place I actually invited him to. 
And now all I can think is “well at least I know that all he wants to do is have sex”
I’m a big girl. I can handle this.

But I get confused by his actions, he doesn’t appear to act like he just wants to have sex.  And after a handful of drinks I tell him “you know we don’t have to date, we can just have sex, or we can date, or we can just be friends… it is all up to you. Just let me know, b/c I don’t like not knowing.”
He responds. 
But just like a dream sequence in a chick-flick I don’t remember his answer.
All I remember is his smile.
Mmmmm, I like his smile.

But however he responded did convince my drunk-ass self to let him go home with me.  Where we promptly got naked and did not have sex.  I’m 95% positive we didn’t have sex because I apparently drank like a 19 yr girl who just discovered shots for the first time. 

The icing on the cake was halfway through the night when I awoke with that horrible feeling of still being drunk but knowing you need to throw up.  
Where I had no choice but to ramble random words when I left the room and decided that passing out in the bathroom was a great idea.  Who knows how long I used my towel as a pillow before returning to my bed.

I was a hot mess….

The only redeeming feature of the night was when I finally found my way back to my bed and he cuddled up with me. 
It was perfect…. The reason you want a boyfriend.

Lessons I should have learned from Mr. Bearded Man…. Boys are confusing folks and you really shouldn’t try to have an intense conversation after any combination of vodka, beer, and shots. 
More importantly: I need to deal with the fact that this Man may not want to date, that he probably just wants to make out with me on his terms, and that my life will go on.

And I know I'm throwing feminism back 20 years by saying this out loud:
But I’m kind-of okay with hooking-up on his terms… because lets be honest I think he is attractive and I can’t find anyone else I actually want to have sex with. 


yes, Ke$ha I would like to dance with no pants on... it is my favorite way to dance.

1 comment:

  1. Get it girl! Kind of sucks he's doing the cold shoulder now, but at least mehbe sexy-time might have been involved...