When it comes to being in a relationship I’m definitely not an expert, I’ve never been in a relationship that lasted more then a couple of months or even a relationship that was actually defined as “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.”
The one thing I know is that circa 2009 K (I’ve mentioned her pretty frequently on this blog) was careless, the master of the drunken hookup, and luckily she made is out of Iowa in one piece.
In recent times I have thought a lot about how my past actions define who I am today.
This 2009 K was fun and if I never had those drunken hookup experiences I would probably have a horrible body image and not have the confidence to talk to boys.
But there are four very clear things that I have learned thanks to these experiences.
1) I was lucky to get out of that stage of my life with out a STD or having to make a trip to Planned Parenthood. I was one of those girls who didn't care for a condom and was more of "lets just get this done." I also didn’t get on birth control until 2012. I was an idiot. Sure I was a fun, but I was an idiot.
I care way too much about my health nowadays to ever do anything that stupid again.
2) When I started this lifestyle I wasn’t looking for anything more then someone to sleep with. And then something changed and I wanted more, but I wasn’t sure how to get a guy to take me on a date. So instead I continued drunk-ly hooking up with guys and tried to make these hookups turn into something more. And as you can imagine it never turned into anything more.
Now whenever I have a guy breakup with me after I sleep with him I assume that the only reason he broke up with me is because he thinks I’m easy and that I hooked up with him too early.
This has caused me a lot of insecurities and I constantly have thoughts like “I’ll never meet a guy who actually likes me for me” or “why am I so different then my friends/sisters who can easily find a boyfriend.”
And after much thought this was probably the sole reason it took me so long to get over Nantucket boy. I slept with him the first night I meet him and what I assumed would be a one-night-stand (because that is the farthest a drunk hookup goes) it turned into him actually taking me on a date. At first I assumed he only wanted to take me out on dates because he was embarrassed that he had a one-night-stand.
Then I assumed he only wanted to hang out with me because we had a “great physical connection.” And when I finally got over that and started to believe he liked me for me, we broke up.
That was tough and took a lot of self-realization that these dating insecurities weren’t the reason we broke up, we broke up because we didn’t have much in common.
3) It is easy to find someone to hook up with especially if you lower your standards and you’re a girl.
I had a line back in 2009 “you should walk me home”… it worked about 90% of the time.
Most guys will walk you home, because deep down inside they want to appear to be nice guys and on that ten minute walk back you can just convince them to spend the night…. And hell, they might as well just sleep in your bed.
It was simple.
(This isn’t as simple in DC I live farther then ten minutes away from the bars I go to and there are a lot more taxi options.)
This has taught me that guys are kind of dicks. They will never offer to take you out to get breakfast, but they will always ask for a ride home.
And! As a girl who is letting a guy sleep in your bed, you can’t sneak away. And if you’re hung-over they will probably want to talk or go for round two.
And if you somehow get convinced to go to their places you will probably be too hungover to sneak away early in the morning.
4) sex is better when you remember it.